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Articles by Dr Derryth
How to get over the person who doesnt love you anymore
Written by Derryth
The reason you still can’t stop loving that person although you know that you can’t have him is that your subconscious mind didn’t fully accept what happened. Acceptance can only happen when the subconscious mind makes sure that the event is irreversible. Most people who want to stop loving someone prevent themselves from accepting the fact that they can’t have him by doing the following:
1-Visualizing the good old memories
2-Keeping all the things that reminds them of him (text messages, e-mails.. etc)
3-Never confront the person directly and so keep the door open for hope
All of these practices keep hope present and so prevent acceptance. If you want to stop loving that person you should first accept what happened by confronting him and making sure that he has no intentions to restore the relationship.
The second thing you should do is deleting the mails, the text messages and removing everything that reminds you of him. The last thing is holding yourself from thinking about him, I know that sometimes thoughts flow involuntary, but at least you can prevent these involuntary thoughts from growing bigger. All of these actions still convince your subconscious mind that its over and so you will be able to stop loving him.
One of the things that prevent you from stopping to love someone is thinking that this person is the one. If you think that way then ask yourself a question, is there anybody else on earth who is better than him? Its either there is someone you know or either there is someone you haven’t met yet, but definitely, he is the not the best person in the world, else everyone would have loved him. Instead of feeling sad or down promise yourself that you will find someone better than him. This will help you get rid of the false idea that he is the best person in the world and so it will help you to stop loving him.
One of the strongest ways to convince your subconscious mind to believe in something is repetition. The more you repeat the fact that its over the more is this statement likely to turn into a belief.
If you want to stop loving someone then prevent yourself from repeating these phrases or from even thinking about them:
I can’t live without him
I can’t stop loving him
He is the only one I loved that much
Do not supress your thoughts but change the way you think about it.........You can recover and find love yourself again.
Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 02:00Loving an addict .....allowing someone elses disease to kill you
Written by Dr Derryth
It kills you for loving the addict. You allow yourself to enter a world of your own personal hell.
You exhaust all your energy and efforts into the disease, into the world of the addict. And you never come close to the bottom of it. You can never be first in an addicts life because they dont make you first. You allow it.
Last Updated on Sunday, 13 December 2009 07:14
Read more: Loving an addict .....allowing someone elses disease to kill you
Just because someone loves you doesn't mean that they are also good for you.
Written by Dr Derryth
As teenagers, many of us feel that 'unconditional love' is the answer to all our problems. Some never outgrow this and continue to hold on to this unhealthy fantasy that fun and companionship from a loving relationship can cure all their problems in life. The truth is that although relationships can contibute to a persons happiness they can also have a negative impact on a persons well being.
Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 02:00Read more: Just because someone loves you doesn't mean that they are also good for you.
What happens to children living with violence in the home
Written by Administrator
One of the most important elements of understanding the child living in the Vortex of Violence is that all humans process, store, retrieve and respond to the world in a state-dependent fashion. When a child is in a persisting state of arousal due to persisting exposure to threat, the primary areas of the brain which are processing information are different from those in a child who can be calm. The calm child may sit in the same classroom next to the child in an alarm state, both hearing the same lecture by the teacher. Even if they have identical IQs, the child that is calm can focus on the words of the teacher and, using neocortex, engage in abstract cognition. The child in an alarm state will be less efficient at processing and storing the verbal information the teacher is providing. This child’s cognition will be dominated by sub-cortical and limbic areas, focusing on non-verbal information -- the teachers facial expressions, hand gestures, when she seems distracted. And, because the brain internalizes (i.e., learns) in a ‘use-dependent’ fashion, this child will have more selective development of non-verbal cognitive capacities. The children raised in the vortex of violence have learned that non-verbal information is more important than verbal -- “when daddy smells like beer and walks funny, I know he will hurt mommy.”
As a child moves along the continuum of arousal, the part of the brain which is ‘orchestrating’ functioning shifts. This process reflects ontogeny, such that the more distressed one is, the more primitive are the brain areas responsible. An important reflection of this is how the sense of time is altered in alarm states. Sense of future is foreshortened. The critical time period for the individual shrinks. The threatened child is not thinking (nor should she think) about months from now. This has profound implications for understanding the cognition of the traumatized child. Immediate reward is most reinforcing. Delayed gratification is impossible. Consequences of behaviour become almost inconceivable to the threatened child. Reflection on behaviour -- including violent behaviour -- is impossible for the child in an alarm state. Cut adrift from internal regulating capabilities of the cortex, the brainstem acts reflexively, impulsively, aggressively -- to any perceived threat. Eye-contact for too long becomes a life-threatening signal. Wearing the wrong colours.-- a hand gesture -- cues that to the calm adult reading about another ‘senseless’ murder in the paper are insignificant but to the hypervigilant, armed adolescent born and raised in the vortex of violence, are enough to trigger a ‘kill or be killed’ response.
Police Women shoots herself and her kids ..........................
Written by Administrator
Tragedy and Mystery article in "cartain" magazine about the police women that comitted suicide after killing both her kids. Title reads ..." What drove this policewomen to shoot her two kids and herself without warning". Come on people , this has to stop. When are people going to stop believing this horse @#$%^? There is only one reason a person commits suicide - THEY CANNOT SEE ANY OTHER OPTION LEFT TO THEM!!!!!
From a traumatological point of view each time a person goes through a trauma or if they experience or going life stress their coping mechanisms fail , it becomes harder and harder to regain your normal functional way of life , coping gets more and more diffcult for the individual concerned. Without correct professional treatment the person remains emotional and coping mechanisms and logical reasoning and thinking become almost impossible and eventually impossible. Its so sad that any person has to reach such a desperate place because it just doesn't have to happen to any person or family. People need to know that they can recover from any trauma or life event no matter how bad- if they take responsibility and get correct Professional treatment. Thats the choice we have in life, how we react to the circumstances that we find ourselves in. Nobody has to become so desperate , the only thing that is final is death, there are always options somewhere.
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